You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
