Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
