you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
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I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
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Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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