Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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