he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
