Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
