He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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