I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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