she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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