I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
In America we eat man semen.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
