Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
