Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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