in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
