there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Randomize
