So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
