I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Randomize