We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
