you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
