So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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