I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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