Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
