Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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