There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
