Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
