Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
