This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
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