i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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