I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Randomize
