Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
