Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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