I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
