I saw his package. It spoke to me.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
