I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
