What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
