im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
