You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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