Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
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