It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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