Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
