after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
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