i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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