Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
