I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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