When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize