I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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