No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
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