Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
You don't make any sense
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