I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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