someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
