Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
