When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
