u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
