Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
