i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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