you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
