I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
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I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
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tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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