I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
