I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
