Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
this hospital has no fireball
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
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