Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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