there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
