If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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