Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
