He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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