i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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