Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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