the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Randomize
