people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
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