I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
