They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Randomize
