There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
