You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
