We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
