She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
and she was petting her beer can
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
