I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
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