the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
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