Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
