Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
