At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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