I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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