I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
