no, he came in my armpit
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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