he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
