her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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